Dialogues

Dementia is an unwanted guest in my life. There are days when it roars and screams and sends me cowering to a safe place and then there are days when I barely know it's there. I'm not speaking of me. I am the caregiver to my elderly mother who was very recently diagnosed with it but does not know it. That is a subject I will address in another post.

I don't want to relive the difficulties that we went through before getting a handle on this insidious disease that turns everyday life into something like a trapeze act at the circus. I want more to be there for others who might not have a handle - and I'm not pretending that I do - on what having this disease lurking about means to my life, my mother's life, or my families life.

I am a seeker. I always have been. So when I am faced with a challenge, I learn everything I can about it and then share it. It brings me joy to think that someone else might not have to go through what I did because I chose not to keep all of my experiences to myself.

Let's begin with the word dialogue.  Dialogues are discussions meant to unravel the problems we all face. They occur in plays and books and just about any place where clarity is needed, but mostly they are between friends who need help unraveling deep-felt emotion. I have a dear sister in law who has been my sounding board as our family has begun this journey. I believe having a good friend or family member who will take the time to listen as you seek to find answers to dementias perplexities is essential to this journey.

Dementia is a disease that shows its face on any given day. It does not know the calendar. It does not know your loved one either. It comes and takes your loved one from you. It changes everything.

I was not prepared for this journey. I knew it was coming and we moved closer to my mother's home to make our lives easier, but I can say I was not prepared for the personality, relationship, and physical changes it would bring to my mother's life. I feel like I am playing catch up and then I learn about families that have had it in their lives for years. I was dumbstruck at the idea that people can learn to handle such an unpredictable and unchartable disease.

So. This blog is really a selfish thing to help me. And hopefully, someone else will find answers or links to answers that will help them. Also, hopefully, others will reach out and share their experiences and help me prepare for the much more difficult times I am reading and learning about. I realize that every person's experience with dementia is uniquely their own, but I also realize that there is much to be gleaned from sharing our experiences.

I decided to write this blog after attending a "Dementia Dialogue" class. After my first class, I sat in the car and bawled for several minutes and then I went shopping. Retail therapy you know. Well, I can't do that everytime I become overwhelmed with what is coming down the pipe, so I decided to do what I know, write it out.

I'm not sure where this journey will take me, but I know that if I can express myself and that if believe others are listening then I will be okay.  And most importantly it will give me methods to help me deal with my mother's irrational behavior in a positive way.

I hope to learn how to give when the disease does nothing but take. I hope to learn to not take my mother's behavior personally. I hope to take information from the class and then give it to others. And mostly I hope to learn to give in such a way that the journey becomes joyful as I learn to accept the unexpected surprises of mirth and love that have always defined my mother.